Sunday, November 30, 2014

Farm Life Week 6

Today starts week 6 of being at the farm. We have come so far in such a short amount of time. To me, the first 2 weeks we more about survival than living. They were probably 2 of the hardest weeks of my life both mentally and physically. With pure determination and being in the will of God we made it though. 

I am proud of myself for focusing more on what we do have as opposed to what we do not. However, there are times in which I do breakdown and feel almost hopeless. The Lord always brings me back to my lane and makes me stop swerving.

My anxiety had been much better here. I think the first few weeks I was just too tired to have a panic attack. The past week or so my anxiety has returned but not nearly as bad as it was. 

Over the past 5 weeks I have learned to either do without or work with what we have. I wouldn't trade the last 5 weeks for anything. Now as we start into week 6 I am finally feeling like this is real and our dreams are now reality. The farm feels like home. Good night my sweet friends. 

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Panic Disorder Diva

Sometimes I think I am going to start calling myself the Panic Disorder Diva. I have come to the point that if something doesn't feel right I am not going to force myself to do it and will not be riddled with guilt. Those who don't like it can go skip a rope. 

One of lifes greatest pleasure is getting my hair professionally done. Over the past year or so I have been doing it myself except for one occassion. I really love my old hair stylist and the one who did my hair last Summer but something was causing my to go into panic/anxiety mode so I started just doing my own hair. I was always let down when I would open the box of hair dye to the point of almost crying. 

Today I am going to try someone new. She has a shop that sets off by itself and its just her. No crowds, no coworkers, no commotion, no people in and out, etc. I pray that this works for me. I find a great deal of comfort in being able to contact her this morning and let her know where I am mentally today. Her reply was both comforting and understanding. I think the best part of contacting her was how in charge it made me feel. Had I been met with something other than kindness and understanding I would have found somewhere else to go. I would not have returned to the disappointing box of over the counter box though. I would have just found someone who understands and went there. Blessfully, she got where I was coming from.

Todays count: Marsha Ann-1 Anxiety-ZERO