Closer Walk With Thee

One of the biggest changes I have made since moving to the farm is how much closer to God I am. I think there are several things that contribute to this. I feel much freer here, things are not as hectic in my life anymore, I attend church on a regular basis, and I read my Bible more regularly. These are just a few things that I feel have made my walk stronger.

Having a stronger relationship with God has brought on numerous changes in my life. I feel like a completely different person. I see things through the eyes of a Christian now and my old ways are all dying away. One example that keeps coming to my mind is how I no longer watch some of the same TV shows as I used to. I always thought it was silly when I heard people say that they avoided watching certain TV shows because it affected their thinking. I now see what they mean. I can be just a few minutes into a show and start to think why on Earth am I watching this. Is the show pleasing to God? Does He want me watching this type of show? I have found other shows or movies to watch and when I am finished watching them I get a sense of calmness and joy. Watching "feel good" movies and shows really does make me feel good for watching them.

Another change that comes to my mind is how I treat others. I focus more on how I treat other people as opposed to how they treat me. Once my focus shifted I stopped having so much bitterness toward others. I used to quote the saying "You can love from afar" but have come to realize that if there is bitterness there you are not truly loving that person. I don't have it in my heart anymore to hold grudges or be ugly to anyone. It has taken me a very long time to not allow any dark spots form in my heart. Yeah sometimes I have moments of anger but through prayer those moments only last a few minutes and then I go along my merry way.

The biggest change in my walk with God comes from being faithful to church. I used to feel like going to church was just about showing God that I appreciate what he has done for me. It goes way further than that. Being faithful to church prepares me for the week, lets me spend time with my people, lets me hear His word in a way that just reading it does not, strengthens my relationship with God, and brings me unspeakable joy. I cannot imagine not being able to attend church on a regular basis.

I truly believe that it was God's will that we moved here. There have been so many signs from God that verify this for me. The main one being how much my Christian walk has changed. He took me off of the fence post and made me stop living a double life. The grass might have a few weeds in it but its is much greener on this side of the fence.

Materialistic

One of the hardest things about moving to the farm was being estranged from my "stuff". Stuff that I worked hard for in order to have the money to buy. Stuff I have collected for several years. Stuff that I would cry over if it were ruined. Plastic. Glass. Cloth. Crystal. Metal.  Shiny. Dull. Soft. Stuff. 

On more than one occasion I went into the barn and cried over my stuff. How dare stuff I had worked so hard for be in a dusty, damp barn? This was MY stuff. My stuff deserved better treatment than that! Never mind the fact that I had a warm bed to sleep in, food to eat, and a roof  over my head. Then one day a question popped into my head. Are you materialistic or thankful?

Sadly, my answer was materialistic. Stuff had become my god. Buying stuff brought me momentary satisfaction. I could look at my stuff with a sense of satisfaction that I was able to acquire it all. I didn't want stuff because someone else had it. I could care less about what someone else has. I wanted stuff because of the sense of accomplishment I got from acquiring it all. I wanted stuff because I wanted to be surrounded by pretty things. Temporary joy. Thats all I got from my stuff. Temporary joy. 

God's plan for me does not include being materialistic. I have been fighting Him tooth and nail over the past several months about my stuff but the fight is over. No longer will my stuff be a god in my life. Once I accepted God's plan for me, I began to pray about having the strength to let go of so much stuff. A materialistic cleansing of sorts. Each time I give something useless away the stronger it makes me. I am not saying that I won't have some nice things but no where near the overabundance of things that I have. The less stuff that I have the more thankful that I am. My focus has shifted from acquiring stuff to becoming more aware of my true blessings. True blessings do not come in the form of stuff. True blessings come when you are thankful for what you have. If I am not thankful for my blessings then why would God continue to bless me? 

P.S I have been doing some purging of my stuff and in doing so I have been able to bless others. The money that I earn is donated to my favorite charity organizations. Being less materialistic is part of God's plan for me and so is giving back to others. Its a win/win situation! 

The sun

One of the most valuable things I have learned about since moving to the farm is how important the sun is. We spent a few weeks without electricty when we first moved here. I would sit and wait for the sun to rise so I could have light. Its been raining a lot lately and even on rainless days its cloudy. My yard is a slosh pit and work on my house has slowed down due to the nasty weather. Its pretty cold here in my bedroom but the sun is coming up and I can feel the room warming up. Despite the cold temperature, I know that the sun will heat my house up all day and that warmth will last several hours into the night. 

In the Spring/Summer we are going to have a garden and I know the sun will play a huge role in the success or failure of the garden. It seems silly to me that I used to take the sun for granted. It was just there. I mainly complained about it being too hot and would long for cooler days. I am sure during the Summer heat I will probably complain again but I have a new respect for the sun. I understand how vital it is for survival. I am seriously going to do research on using the sun as more of a resource than what we do now. I am hoping by next Winter the majority of our heat will come from natural resources. 

I feel like God led us to make the move to the farm and some days I wonder why. I know its not right to question God's will but I am human and sometimes my faith is weak. But most days His plan is clear. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and since we have moved here they aren't nearly as bad as they were. God shifted my mind away from fear to finding the strength and knowledge to make it through each day. I still have my low days but just like the sun I have my days where I am resourceful and shine bright.