Love thyself

I think sometimes we do so much for others because its easier than self care. Especially when you have a chronic illness. Most people with a chronic illness have the feeling that they have no control over their mind and/or body. Helping others is a way of having control in your life and have a sense of accomplishment in a world where you feel useless. Hearing "great job" or "thank you" are words we should be speaking to ourselves. Not words we are waiting to hear from someone else in order to feel needed and appreciated. At the end of the day those you help will no longer need you. You will be left feeling abandoned and let down. You will blame the other person for the negative feelings you have. Friendships can be ruined and relationships can end because of this. Then the focus will be on healing from the loss of someone you cared about. The vicious cycle will continue in relationship after relationship until you learn to be as good to yourself as you are to others. God, you, and then others. Sadly we skip the "you" part too often and slide right into doing for others to avoid the "you" part. Never avoid you or the baggage that comes with being you. Embrace yourself instead of relying on others to do it for you. You make yourself the #2 in your life. God then you. You will continue to feel empty until you learn that you are just as important as others. Take care of you. Be strong for you. Be good to you. Love you. ❤

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of  a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.~~~1 Peter 3:4

The sun

One of the most valuable things I have learned about since moving to the farm is how important the sun is. We spent a few weeks without electricty when we first moved here. I would sit and wait for the sun to rise so I could have light. Its been raining a lot lately and even on rainless days its cloudy. My yard is a slosh pit and work on my house has slowed down due to the nasty weather. Its pretty cold here in my bedroom but the sun is coming up and I can feel the room warming up. Despite the cold temperature, I know that the sun will heat my house up all day and that warmth will last several hours into the night. 

In the Spring/Summer we are going to have a garden and I know the sun will play a huge role in the success or failure of the garden. It seems silly to me that I used to take the sun for granted. It was just there. I mainly complained about it being too hot and would long for cooler days. I am sure during the Summer heat I will probably complain again but I have a new respect for the sun. I understand how vital it is for survival. I am seriously going to do research on using the sun as more of a resource than what we do now. I am hoping by next Winter the majority of our heat will come from natural resources. 

I feel like God led us to make the move to the farm and some days I wonder why. I know its not right to question God's will but I am human and sometimes my faith is weak. But most days His plan is clear. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks and since we have moved here they aren't nearly as bad as they were. God shifted my mind away from fear to finding the strength and knowledge to make it through each day. I still have my low days but just like the sun I have my days where I am resourceful and shine bright.