21 Days Eating Junk Free Challenge

No Junk Food:
No Chocolate
No Candy
No Biscuits or Cookies
No Cakes Donuts or Muffins
No Pastries
No White Bread
No Chips
No Fast Food
No Nutella, Peanut Butter or other naughty spread
No Ice Cream
No Soda

I am bound and determined to follow through with this. I have lost 50 pounds so far and hoping this wll kick me off on losing even more. Wish me luck!

Wrote this almost 2 years ago

The older I get the more it irks me to see women behaving badly toward one another. Why would it not be better to walk away from trouble? Why would it not be easier to sit someone down and talk to them instead of blasting them? If a woman has a problem with another woman why does it take a whole group to come to her defense? Is she that weak that she cannot take care of her own issues? I have been guilty of doing stupid things to other women in my past. I would like to think that I am mature and centered enough in my life that I don't need to behave that way anymore. I put that useless engery to good use. I use it to be a better wife, mother, friend and daughter. Negative people cannot be happy no matter how much they claim to be. If you are a happy person then you wouldn't want to bring saddness and pain to others. In my own opinion negative=low self esteem. No matter who you are, what you look like, what you own if you are hateful and mean-spirited toward other women there is no way you are honestly happy with yourself. I hope no one thinks that I am talking about anything or anyone specific. This has just been on my mind for a few days. I don't blog near as much as I used to because too many ppl would think my blogs were directed at them. It is sad that I stopped doing something that was a mental outlet for me becuase of other ppl jumping to conclusions. I think I will start blogging again for ME. And not worry about other ppl's paranoia.

*I wrote this blog on Myspace nearly 2 years ago. I guess I have been trying to fight women being ugly to one another for a long time. I am starting to feel like it doesn't make a difference and it is pointless. I think that I am going to step back for awhile and not be so involved in something that is clearly not going to change. I guess I will turn a blind eye for awhile and see if it makes my life any easier.

Still can't say his name...

I still can't say his name without wanting to cry. I can't think of that grin without wanting to hug his neck. The only peace that I get is thinking of him walking with Jesus in the light. No more pain. No more suffering. No more addictions. I see him sometimes and then I remember he isn't here with us anymore. I also take comfort in remembering the last time that I saw him was when he had just got out of church. It was the first time in a long time that I had seen him so dressed up. I had only seen him dressed up like one other time and that was the day he married a girl so nervous her legs were shaking so bad that I thought she was going to fall down. I am so thankful to the Lord for letting me see him so cleaned up the last time that I saw him. And I am so thankful for being able to have had that grin in my life for so long. The grin that now smiles for my sweet Jesus.

How to Stand Up for Something You Believe In - wikiHow

How to Stand Up for Something You Believe In - wikiHow

Cyber Bullying

Cyber-bullying is "the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others". Cyberbullying.org

For the past few days I have been up in arms over cyberbullying. I had enough of it yesterday and decided to take action. I took some steps to do my part to end some ugliness. I have been proud of myself for standing up for my convictions. But in the meantime I had lost sight that there are times that I am guilty of cyberbullying myself. Even if my bullying has been done unconscienely, I have still been guilty of it. I have to admit that there have been times that I have been so angry at people and used my FB as a way to vent my anger and intended to hurt their feelings. Even if it is done in a small way cyberbullying is wrong no matter what. How do I know that my ugly use of words did not cause damage to someone? My insensitive words could have been someone's breaking point. Maybe they had felt guilt over their own actions and my words made their guilt too much to bare. What right do I have to bring pain on anyone? I know I am not perfect and do not claim to be but I should try my best to not bring pain to other people. Whether it is minor or major we all need to stop bullying people. I know I have a strong conviction against bullying. But I am now wondering if I part of what I thought was conviction was actually guilt. Guilt over knowing that I have in the past behaved in such a bullying way. I know my bullying is minor compared to the horrible things that were posted on those vicious pages but bullying is bullying regardless of what level it is on. A sin is a sin.

(Romans 3:23) 23 For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God.

With awareness comes knowledge

As I sit here this morning I am almost in tears. Tears that are a mix of sadness, relief, and joy. I have just finished up a discussion question about using Classical Conditioning to help a person to quit smoking. Basically, Classical Conditioining  means that your brain is wired a certain way because of routine or habit. So it got me to thinking about my weight and the battle that I have had with it. I spent many years being obese and did not relaize I had gotten that big. I know it sounds odd that a person can weight 275 and not realize they are big but I truly did not see myself as big. I viewed myself as a curvy beautiful woman and felt like I was not fat. I also spent many years being depressed without realizing it. And yes a person can also be depressed without knowing it. I had a weight problem for many years and it never seemed to bother me nor did I realize that I was depressed. I swept a lot of stuff under the rug and unknowingly turn to food to feel better. When I started losing my weight I realized how depressed I had been for so many years and how food was what I had turned too. When I changed some things in my life I began to lose even more weight and became a happier person. Then a dramatic event happened and I had a nrevous breakdown where I spent months living on my couch. I regained all of my weight back because once again I turned to food. It has been over 2 years now and the battle still rages on. I can spend a couple of months feeling strong both mentally and physcially then something will happen and I will go back to my same routine of living unhealthy. I used to think I did it out of addiction but this morning I realize that I do it out of habit. It is a vicious cycle: get depressed, eat, gain weight, feel happy again, lose weight, drama occurs then back to depression. I have been on this evil merry-go-round for so long that it was not until just now that I even realized I was even on it. It has come to the point that even minor things set me back. An argument with Billy D can send me running for food. But the minor events are only pebbles in my path. I can easily get past them. it is the rocks in my road that are so hard for me to get past. Back in November I had lost over 20 lbs. and was going to the gym on a regular basis then my Mom was put in the hospital. I remembered it scared me so much that she was sick again and when I was getting ready to go to the hospital to see her I was thinking about how good Arby's sounded and since we would already be in Nac I might as well get a couple of their sandwiches. The next morning we were going back to see her and I thought about treating my Dad to lunch at his Barnhill's. I went back to eating in an unhealthy way and did not go back to the gym until just a few weeks ago. I cannot express enough how "awake" I am now. I can look back over the last 20 years of my life and see the pattern that I have had in my life. This morning I am praying so hard that with awareness comes knowledge and will help me stay on the path that I so desperately want to be on. I have a busy day today but I have to make a conscience effort to sit down and truly process what I have realized and put to good use all of the tools that I have learned about Classical Conditioning. My path seems so much clearer now and I feel very hopeful that I can start using my energy to move those rocks instead of using it to pick up a fork.

Argumentative

For the life of me I don't know why some people have to be so argumentative. Why is it so hard to just get along with people? Personally, I would rather just get along with people and go on about my merry little way. If you don't like someone why not just cut them out of your life and move on. Why continue to play childish games?

Mike Tyson

I just watched an interview with Mike Tyson that was recorded just a few days ago. From the way he talked he seems to be a changed man. I have heard the old saying so many time that a tiger never changes his stripes. While it might be factual that a tiger cannot change his stripes, I do feel that a person can change. I have to admit when I see Mike Tyson I still have his old image in my brain and I felt negativity toward him. But after watching this interview I do feel that he has changed. Sometimes it is upsetting to me when I hear people use the words "Once a cheater, always a cheater". My path has not always been on the straight and narrow. I have done some things in my past that I am not proud of but I am no longer that person. No one's life is set in stone. A person can choose what path they wish to take in life. It is their option to be less that or more than. I spent many years being less than and I spend everyday trying to be more that I was the day before. Not better than...just more than. People can and do change. Everyone has the ability to change their lives. I think its kind of funny that Mike Tyson of all people has been my inspiration for the day. If someone would have told me yesterday that I would view him with reverence I would have laughed. But today I do look at him in a whole new light. I pray that he is truly on the right path because he could be an inspiration to some many. If Mike Tyson and Marsha Ann can change then so can you.

Black Cloud

Have you ever had someone in your life that just the very thought of them makes the pit of your stomach knot up? It isn't a hate type thing it is more of a black cloud. You have known them for years and because of all of the ugliness you are just done with them but every once in awhile you will see something that reminds you of them and the black cloud comes seeping back in. Even if it is for a moment that is too long of a time to allow them back in. It is very sad to me because of all of the missed blessings if only things could have been different but they never will be. Time and time again chances have been given and the person just tosses them aside like they are old dirty rags. Disgarding your feelings because deep down inside they are bitter and mean. I can never imagine going back to a time of allowing the black cloud to be an every day part of my life. I live in the light and have no room for black clouds.

Zipping my lips!

Within the past few months there was a bit of drama that came along and I kept my mouth shut about it. Then the drama got better but then came back with a vengance! I still kept my mouth shut and hoped the drama would soon pass. But lo and behold snide little things are still being said and the ugliness still continues. Annnddddd I still keep my mouth shut. However, in the past few days it has gotten harder and harder to do. The drama has now partially moved on to others and I so badly want to warn them of what their future will be like but I have decided to just keep my lips zipped and pray that before too long things will die down and the ugliness will stop. Part of me feels like I am not being a good friend by doing a little bit of warning but the rest of me knows that time will tell all. I won't have to say a word.

"Truth always lags behind, limping along on the arm of Time." ~ Baltasar Graci·n

Back on track

My hubby and I went on a cruise for my 40th bday and had an ab fab time! Buuuutttt I gained 5 pounds while we were gone. I don't think it is that bad because the food was so lavish on the boat. I am back on track with my clean eating though. I got a hold of my eating quick so I wouldn't fall back into my old habits. I also have resumed my workouts at the gym. I haven't been there since November of last year. I am so sore today but it feels great to be geting back into shape. I am a very competitve person and need the extra push of competition to keep me on track and get me motivated so I decided to sign up for a 5k that takes place in October. I have never ran a 5k or any other marathon before. I am very excited and think its going to be a great motivator for me. I looked up the winning time from last year and have to beat 25 minutes. I am going to train hard to beat that time! I will be tracking my progress on here! Wish me luck!

Eating Clean update

I am down 35 pounds since I started eating clean! I am so happy. This is one of the easiest things that I have done. I have a ton more energy, my skin feels great, and I am sleeping better at night. I so happy about this lifestyle change!

Don Miguel Ruiz's 4 agreements -Code for life

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Essence of True Sisterhood by Katrina LeShon

A true sister
Honors her sister
She praises her sister’s strong points
Whether its intelligence, beauty, or skills putting the right outfit together
She embraces her sister’s uniqueness
She stays in her own lane; she is not intimidated by her sister’s success
She doesn’t hate, she doesn’t cloak jealousy in her heart
She doesn’t mind seeing her sister go first
She doesn’t eclipse her time to shine
She doesn’t shoot down her aspirations or ideas
She doesn’t belittle or tear her down, to make self look good
She doesn’t gloat over her sister’s calamity
A true sister
Prays and intercedes with sincerity
She celebrates her sister; she wishes her the best
She supports, she encourages, she builds, and she edifies
A true sister
Respects her sister’s things, including her relationship
She doesn’t interfere; she doesn’t covet
She doesn’t overstep or cross boundaries
She covers, and protects; she loves at all times
She would never stand in the way of a blessing
Nor position herself as an enemy
A true sister in the Lord
Walks with integrity

I just love Dolly Parton!

Living clean

I have cleaned up my life and have given up the bad things that have made my life dirty. I don't drink, do drugs, or use tobacco products anymore. I have been thinking about cleaning up my diet as well. Eating a clean diet is another step toward me living my life to the fullest. It seems the longer I strive to have a cleaner life the more areas God shows me that I need to work on. He has laid it on my heart and in my mind for sometime now to clean up my eating habits. This is the first time I have felt like this. Usually I have losing weight as motive to eat better but now I just want to eat clean to have a cleaner body. I am not sure if my words make sense to anyone other than me. I want my whole life to be a reflection of being clean. Spiritually and physically.