Love thyself

I think sometimes we do so much for others because its easier than self care. Especially when you have a chronic illness. Most people with a chronic illness have the feeling that they have no control over their mind and/or body. Helping others is a way of having control in your life and have a sense of accomplishment in a world where you feel useless. Hearing "great job" or "thank you" are words we should be speaking to ourselves. Not words we are waiting to hear from someone else in order to feel needed and appreciated. At the end of the day those you help will no longer need you. You will be left feeling abandoned and let down. You will blame the other person for the negative feelings you have. Friendships can be ruined and relationships can end because of this. Then the focus will be on healing from the loss of someone you cared about. The vicious cycle will continue in relationship after relationship until you learn to be as good to yourself as you are to others. God, you, and then others. Sadly we skip the "you" part too often and slide right into doing for others to avoid the "you" part. Never avoid you or the baggage that comes with being you. Embrace yourself instead of relying on others to do it for you. You make yourself the #2 in your life. God then you. You will continue to feel empty until you learn that you are just as important as others. Take care of you. Be strong for you. Be good to you. Love you. ❤

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of  a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.~~~1 Peter 3:4

Adventures

In my quest to rule the world I have decided at least once a week I would do something I have always wanted to do or do something I would consider to be brave. This past week I contacted the assistant to someone I would love to shoot the breeze with and he agreed to do it. I also got media access to go listen to Oliver North speak next month. He has been one of my heros since I was a kid. I will never get to meet Ronald Reagan so this is the next best thing to me! Last but not least I walked around in the back of our property at night. I am really afraid of the dark so when we go back there are night I never get out but tonight I did. I decided around midnight that I needed to face my fears and go back there. Poor Billy D was almost asleep when I told him I was going and going to drive myself but he got up because he didn’t want me going back there at night by myself in the dark. When we got back there I walked about 10 yards away from the car and calmly walked back. Wasn’t a minute after I got back inside the car that BD and I heard a cougar holler. Scared me because it sounded like a kid hollering. When BD said it was a cougar then I was really freaked. 😜 We heard it again about ten minutes later then I was ready to go. Lol! So I think I have met my “Adventure” quota for the week. Hey! I wonder if Editor Chad would let me do another column. 🧐 I will wait to ask him until tomorrow. Gotta get started on next weeks Adventures quota! ❤️🎈❤️

The moon is so beautiful tonight! Oh yeah, by the way, I wore my cute pajamas and housecoat back there. If I was going to get mauled by cougars or wolves I want my clothes to be cute for when they show me on the news. 🤪

Family

About a year ago I volunteered to take over the Christmas Fest in Joaquin. I was given the number to the preacher at Joaquin FUMC because he wanted to help bring the community together. He actually saved my skin! Had it not been for his help in getting help I would have failed miserably. Instead $6000 was raised! This whole year everyone at FUMC has treated us like family. Billy D and I rotate going to Pine Ridge and FUMC. I love my Dad and love to hear him preach. I will continue going to Pine Ridge as long as he is preaching there. The connection that Billy and I both have with members of  both churches is like they are family. Well tonight Billy D found out that he is actually kin to Bro.Robert! They are second cousins!!! Billys bio dad was Bro.Roberts first cousin. Their Mommas were sisters. Not only that but Billys old boss Bill Baker is also his cousin. This coming Saturday is a family reunion that we will for sure be attending. Y’all just don’t know what this means to BD. We have always felt like God lead Billy to work for the city of Joaquin and now we know why. Had it not been for him working for the city I never would have volunteered and never would have met Bill or Bro.Robert. A whole entire family has been waiting on Billy D and on Saturday I know they will welcome him with arms wide open. Gods timing is so very incredibly beautiful! I have been saying for a few weeks now that God is shifting and elevating my life to new levels. This blessing is just the beginning. I stand in awe of how God works. He knows the emptiness Billy D has felt and is not only filling it but he is letting the joy and love overflow! Ain’t God good? 😊

Are you listening or being polite?

So today I had a “discussion” with someone who told me to stop mentioning my illnesses then I get the “we all get it already” speech. And some folks wonder why there is still such a stigma. Folks want to know enough to relieve themselves of any guilt by not asking but not too much information because in all honesty some folks just don’t care. And honestly I would rather someone walk by me in Walmart and tell me they don’t care about my health than the fake polite how are you doing? Don’t get me wrong. I have done it. I have politely asked someone how they are and when they tell me all I am thinking about is I hope Billy D got the right cake mix. So why not just smile and wave? Is it better to be standoffish than fake? Am I being a better woman of God by honestly wanting to know how the person is? I don’t have so much going on in my life that I don’t have a few minutes to spare to truly listen to what is being said. You might be the only person he or she has spoken with all day or possibly days. So if they take up a few minutes of your time just appreciate the blessing you are giving them and praise God for putting you there to listen. 

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

Psalm 34:6

Faith

Before we moved to the farm we spent several weeks cleaning up a cane patch that used to be my husbands grandparents backyard and where their house was. At least an acre of what used to be a pretty yard was covered in switch cane. When we were clearing out the cane every few feet we could find something that was a part of my husbands family. Pieces of old metal, farm tools, a pear tree that my husbands grandma had planted, and even some old pictures.

When we were almost finished clearing the cane I caught a glimpse of a crepe myrtle. The more the cane was cut down the more I could see one of the prettiest crepe myrtles I had even seen. It was almost perfect. My husband said he remembers it being in his grandmas backyard. A friend of my son was on the Bobcat clearing some more. I watched for a few minutes then realized he was fixing to uproot the crepe myrtle. Before I could get him to stop the tree was on the ground. The tree was piled up with the switch cane and burned over the spot where the tree roots were. My heart was so broken, I bawled and squalled for days over losing that tree. Then I started praying that at least a tiny piece of root was left. For over 5 years I have prayed for that tree to come back. I have repeatedly told my husband that it WILL be back! When he was leaving for work this morning he saw something pink out of the corner of his eye. He got out of the vehicle to go see what it was. Sure enough it was the tree! It had come back. the Lord answered my prayers in a beautiful way.

When I was looking at it I thought of myself and how far I have come in the past 5 years. When we first moved to the farm the Lord broke me down. I knew from the beginning that He was breaking me down to rid me of my sinful ways. My ground was made fertile and now my vine is growing stronger and more beautiful. I am like the crepe myrtle. I have been through a lot of fires, been broken down, ran over, and came back stronger than ever! God took my fertile soil and made something beautiful. I have been questioning a few things over the past week. Been doing a lot of praying for God to show me that I am still on the right path. After seeing the crepe myrtle blooming so beautifully I was assured that I am exactly where God wants me to be. Blooming beautifully as an example of faith and answered prayers. 

Ezekiel 17:8~It was planted in good soil beside abundant waters, that it might yield branches and bear fruit and become a splendid vine.