Cloudy

For most of the past 6 years or so I have lived with a cloudy mind. For one reason or another. In one way or another. The cloudiness was almost always present. I needed the cloudiness. I needed to just lay back and float with the clouds. It was easier than living with a clear head. A clear head leaves room for things you don't want to think about or even remember. But I know that eventually the clouds are going to have to go away. Permanently. I feel the strong need for some sunshine. Not ready to let go of the cloudiness just yet but I am enjoying the little rays of sunshine I am letting in.

The devil is trying to keep my mind cloudy. The cloudier my mind is the less I see. The less I see the more I hurt. The more I hurt the more the devil has control. If the clouds go away then I have to face things, think about things, and process things. For a long time I loved the clouds. Ignorance is bliss! Now the clouds are holding me back. I need to see life as it is and deal with it. I need the sun but no matter how much sun I let in there will always, always be that really dark cloud way in the back. I won't know he is always there but from time to time he will let me know he still exists and that's ok. for he is where I gain some of my strength. I was strong enough to put him in the corner and I will be strong enough to fight him when he tries to come sneaking back in. From this day forward the clouds are being set free. I am being set free.....