Moving On

Whether I want to or not I am hurting. Been a long time since I have had my heartbroken. Kinda makes me feel like an old fool. If the good Lord leaves me on this Earth for another hundred years I will never get why some folks think its ok to use others. Make them care just to get what they want. Then when you are no longer needed you are out. The pain is bad today but tomorrow is another day. Everyday that passes the pain will become less and less. Just so very tired of trusting folks who are only out for themselves. I honestly could not sleep at night if I treated folks the way I am treated. I sure couldn’t hurt someone without batting an eye then turn around and claim to be a Christian. God says to love thy neighbor like you do yourself. Everyday I try to uphold this. I am kind, supportive, forgiving, and most of all I am there for folks. No matter how bad I get hurt sometime I will continue to be the same way. I would not be Marsha Ann if I were to stop being the person that I am today. I refuse to allow anyone to bring out the worst in me. Just gotta pray hard, wait for the pain to pass, and move on. No matter how much it hurts. 

Cloudy

For most of the past 6 years or so I have lived with a cloudy mind. For one reason or another. In one way or another. The cloudiness was almost always present. I needed the cloudiness. I needed to just lay back and float with the clouds. It was easier than living with a clear head. A clear head leaves room for things you don't want to think about or even remember. But I know that eventually the clouds are going to have to go away. Permanently. I feel the strong need for some sunshine. Not ready to let go of the cloudiness just yet but I am enjoying the little rays of sunshine I am letting in.

The devil is trying to keep my mind cloudy. The cloudier my mind is the less I see. The less I see the more I hurt. The more I hurt the more the devil has control. If the clouds go away then I have to face things, think about things, and process things. For a long time I loved the clouds. Ignorance is bliss! Now the clouds are holding me back. I need to see life as it is and deal with it. I need the sun but no matter how much sun I let in there will always, always be that really dark cloud way in the back. I won't know he is always there but from time to time he will let me know he still exists and that's ok. for he is where I gain some of my strength. I was strong enough to put him in the corner and I will be strong enough to fight him when he tries to come sneaking back in. From this day forward the clouds are being set free. I am being set free.....

Overthrown

Its 7:15 and I am already hurting. Been up for almost two hours. The longer I am awake the worse the pain is. I really did not want to cry today but have been off and on since I woke up. Hopefully I can get in to see the doctor today. My mind has so much static right now. I just want it all clear so I won’t feel so low.  So much has happened over the past few weeks that even a “normal” person would be ready to shut down. I have been looking for a word that goes beyond defeated. When I looked up the word defeated the word “overthrown” was used a lot in the results. Seeing that word over and over made me realize I still have some spark left in me. No way will the devil overthrow me.  I will keep fighting.   I just need to roll with the waves a little bit longer. Keep praying and this will all soon be over.

Golden Thread

Golden Thread

  I have always felt like I have something special inside of me. I know we all do but a different kind of special. Something different than those around me. Often when I would feel that way I would feel totally isolated from the world. I have always admired writers. They get to show the world their special kind of something different. They are also admired for their something different. For most of my life I have felt like I had no voice. I think it’s why I have always loved to write. No one would ever listen to me but putting the words on paper gave me a release.

   One day during one of my infamous FB “debates” I would nose my way into something dawned on me. It wasn’t me people didn’t want to hear but it was my words. My angry often twisted words. Words that came from a blackened heart. Then when my blackened heart was busted into a million pieces I thought I was going to die from so much heartache. I felt like there was no way a heart as broken as mine would ever be put back together again. But I prayed. Lord how I prayed. With each prayer and each passing day my heart was mending but it was no longer black. Instead my heart has become a beautiful red like the Blood of my Savior Jesus Christ. The broken pieces are sewn back together with golden thread. The same thread that helped form the Heaven and Earth. I now have a voice because my words have changed. I use words of love, encouragement, unity, and guidance. My words are far from perfect but they have come a long way. Sometimes it’s a struggle but I have to keep remembering how miserable I was when I had a black heart and twisted words. By changing my words I am now a paid freelance writer. I went from not having a voice to having people thank me for the words I have written. 

   God will move in your life if you allow Him to. Let His love be the golden thread that mends all of your heartbreaks and makes you shine like never before. Find your something special or your something different and glow like the beautiful diamond that you are!

He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds.~~~Psalm 147:3