Lupus Lily

I have decided to name my Lupus, Lily. I figured since my Lupus is not going away anytime soon I might as well try to befriend her. Yesterday morning when I woke up Lupus Lily was beating on me worse than she ever has. I could hardly even walk. I know I have been doing too much lately but I have so many things in life that I want to do and have been too afraid to do. Lupus Lily could decide to attack my kidneys tomorrow and shut them down. IF that happens I want to be able to say that despite having Lupus I did this and that. I don’t want to live part of a life because of Lupus. If it means trips to the ER for relief then so be it. I don’t want to look back and say I should have. I can now look back and say I did it.

Adventures

In my quest to rule the world I have decided at least once a week I would do something I have always wanted to do or do something I would consider to be brave. This past week I contacted the assistant to someone I would love to shoot the breeze with and he agreed to do it. I also got media access to go listen to Oliver North speak next month. He has been one of my heros since I was a kid. I will never get to meet Ronald Reagan so this is the next best thing to me! Last but not least I walked around in the back of our property at night. I am really afraid of the dark so when we go back there are night I never get out but tonight I did. I decided around midnight that I needed to face my fears and go back there. Poor Billy D was almost asleep when I told him I was going and going to drive myself but he got up because he didn’t want me going back there at night by myself in the dark. When we got back there I walked about 10 yards away from the car and calmly walked back. Wasn’t a minute after I got back inside the car that BD and I heard a cougar holler. Scared me because it sounded like a kid hollering. When BD said it was a cougar then I was really freaked. 😜 We heard it again about ten minutes later then I was ready to go. Lol! So I think I have met my “Adventure” quota for the week. Hey! I wonder if Editor Chad would let me do another column. 🧐 I will wait to ask him until tomorrow. Gotta get started on next weeks Adventures quota! ❤️🎈❤️

The moon is so beautiful tonight! Oh yeah, by the way, I wore my cute pajamas and housecoat back there. If I was going to get mauled by cougars or wolves I want my clothes to be cute for when they show me on the news. 🤪

Hot beer & stale cigarettes

I can hear a certain song and it takes me right back to another time. An old friend of mine I haven’t seen in probably 20 years died last year. At one point in my life he was the only real friend I had. The last time we talked he said he loved me and I didn’t say it back. I never thought that would be the last thing I ever heard him say. He died thinking I did not love him but I did. I loved him with as much love as my heart had room for at that time. I was too busy loving myself to worry about anyone else. Through the grace of God that will never be me again. I will never let another person leave this world not knowing that I love them. I used to think you could only love one person at a time but thats wrong. There are so many types of love that folks share. You can love one hundred people at once but all for different reasons. I think God allows us to love so much that whatever painful things we go through we are surrounded by folks we love and who love us back. Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

I have moved on from my Season of Thinning The Herd. 😜 I prayed a lot and cried a lot then I let it go. Within a three day period God revealed the ones I needed to remove from my life. There were exactly seven. All family. I have so much peace now. I am calling this my Season of Growth. Good things are happening for me and I know the devil will try me but I am prayed up. The harder the fight, the sweeter the reward. 😘🎈😘

Tickled Pink

I am so excited! I took a chance and it paid off. Thanks Bubba for letting me name drop. 😎The lady that  I spoke with was super nice. I am a HUGE HUGE fan of his so if you do not like him please keep scrolling and don't bust my bubble! I am over the top thrilled!

True Leader

Around this time last year I was really struggling. I felt useless and decided after the Christmas Fest that I was going to stop volunteering. My body and mind were both so very tired. Then I was sent an invitation to like Joey Hudnall for Sheriff page. I liked some of the things that he had to say so I invited him to be a judge for the Christmas parade in Joaquin. He was just as nice in person as he was on Facebook. I like people who are the same no matter where they are at.

When Billy D and I left the Christmas Fest I felt the need to pray for Joey. I did not know him other than asking if he wanted to be a judge and maybe talking to him for a few minutes at the Christmas Fest. On a side note: He showed up early which was one less thing I had to worry about. I am not sure what made me start praying for him that day but I have every day since then.

In the past year I have grown so much as a person and have accomplished things I never thought possible. I have also seen a change in my husband who is now running for JP in 2022. He feels like if Joey has the courage to run then he might as well give it a shot too. I often gain strength and encouragement from those around me. I like folks who give up things in life to follow the will of God. Very few know that Hudnall gave up a beautiful ranch and a lucrative job to move back to Shelby County to run for Sheriff. I also stand in awe at his wife and kids. They sacrificed their way of life to move to Shelby County in order to support Joey. I am often asked why I support Joey as the next Sheriff of Shelby County. Two words sum that up: loyalty and honor. In the year that I have known him I have seen his undying commitment to God,family,friends, and to Shelby County. During troubling times I have seen him handle situations with dignity and honor. I have seen pictures of him helping strangers during Hurricane Harvey, I have seen him pass out school supplies to kids who needed them, I have seen him dedicate many hours to the safety and well being of the citizens of Tenaha but most off all I have seen him be a loyal family man. I cannot see where the citizens of Shelby County could go wrong with a Christian who is loyal to God, family, friends and Shelby County. Thats why I back Hudnall 100%. He is already a strong, encouraging leader and thats exactly what Shelby needs!

BD

We are total opposites but yet we are the same. You always have to get the last word in and no matter how hard you try I always manage to coax you into saying the last word. I once referred to you as the Reagan to my Thatcher but then I realized you could not be either one of them. Your heart is too sweet. No way you could ever be iron fisted. I cannot call you the peanut butter to my jelly cuz I really don’t like either one plus a friend told us pb has rat poop in it so nope. I cannot call you the chicken to my waffle cuz you know my rule “Don’t mix my meats with my sweets.” So I guess all I have left to call you is the Billy D to my Marsha Ann.❤️

Family

About a year ago I volunteered to take over the Christmas Fest in Joaquin. I was given the number to the preacher at Joaquin FUMC because he wanted to help bring the community together. He actually saved my skin! Had it not been for his help in getting help I would have failed miserably. Instead $6000 was raised! This whole year everyone at FUMC has treated us like family. Billy D and I rotate going to Pine Ridge and FUMC. I love my Dad and love to hear him preach. I will continue going to Pine Ridge as long as he is preaching there. The connection that Billy and I both have with members of  both churches is like they are family. Well tonight Billy D found out that he is actually kin to Bro.Robert! They are second cousins!!! Billys bio dad was Bro.Roberts first cousin. Their Mommas were sisters. Not only that but Billys old boss Bill Baker is also his cousin. This coming Saturday is a family reunion that we will for sure be attending. Y’all just don’t know what this means to BD. We have always felt like God lead Billy to work for the city of Joaquin and now we know why. Had it not been for him working for the city I never would have volunteered and never would have met Bill or Bro.Robert. A whole entire family has been waiting on Billy D and on Saturday I know they will welcome him with arms wide open. Gods timing is so very incredibly beautiful! I have been saying for a few weeks now that God is shifting and elevating my life to new levels. This blessing is just the beginning. I stand in awe of how God works. He knows the emptiness Billy D has felt and is not only filling it but he is letting the joy and love overflow! Ain’t God good? 😊

Cloudy

For most of the past 6 years or so I have lived with a cloudy mind. For one reason or another. In one way or another. The cloudiness was almost always present. I needed the cloudiness. I needed to just lay back and float with the clouds. It was easier than living with a clear head. A clear head leaves room for things you don't want to think about or even remember. But I know that eventually the clouds are going to have to go away. Permanently. I feel the strong need for some sunshine. Not ready to let go of the cloudiness just yet but I am enjoying the little rays of sunshine I am letting in.

The devil is trying to keep my mind cloudy. The cloudier my mind is the less I see. The less I see the more I hurt. The more I hurt the more the devil has control. If the clouds go away then I have to face things, think about things, and process things. For a long time I loved the clouds. Ignorance is bliss! Now the clouds are holding me back. I need to see life as it is and deal with it. I need the sun but no matter how much sun I let in there will always, always be that really dark cloud way in the back. I won't know he is always there but from time to time he will let me know he still exists and that's ok. for he is where I gain some of my strength. I was strong enough to put him in the corner and I will be strong enough to fight him when he tries to come sneaking back in. From this day forward the clouds are being set free. I am being set free.....

Dabbling in poetry

I have decided to do a little poetry. I have poems going through my head a lot but rarely write them down. I have thoughts and feelings that might not pertain to anything going on in my life. I just think the words are beautiful and want to share them. So please do not read more into my writing than what is there. 😘

The smoke and mirrors have been removed. 

What you now see is real.

 Not just a facsimile. 

To be real means to be free. 

Forever in your heart you will now always see the real me. 

The free me. The shining me. The loving you me. The forever me. The because of you me......❤️

Ephesians

Let me start by saying the past few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. So much has happened that I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around. Well I did have a problem but not anymore.

For months now God has been leading me to read the book of Ephesians. I even called my Dad to see if he could give me some info on the book. I still did not read it. I had numerous conversations with friends about it. Today during a conversation I was having the Lord kept putting Ephesians in my head. Still did not open my Bible. It is almost 11 p.m. and for some reason revenge and Ephesians kept rolling around in my aching head. I asked my hubby to Google "Ephesians" and "revenge". This is what he found: Ephesians 4:26-27  Go ahead and be angry but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,and do not give the devil a foothold. 

My first thought was how perfectly fitting these scriptures were today and sums up a lot of other things for me too. Then I opened up Ephesians and then Ephesians opened up me. Despite how fitting the scriptures summed up some stuff, these are not why the Lord has been directing me to read the book of Ephesians. This is:
Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
I am not God. It is not my place to even think I know what God will do. I have to trust in Him to guide and protect me. I also have to continue to have a forgiving heart. Its been a struggle all evening but I have found the forgiveness in my heart. When I close my eyes tonight I will do so with the peace of mind knowing I have forgiven everyone who has ever done me dirty. God did not steer me toward Ephesians to learn about anger; He sent me there to learn more about forgiveness. I am good on the angry part because for the most part I have anger under control. Its the forgiveness part that I sometimes struggle with. As wore out as I am both mentally and physically, I thank God for today. Its through trials that we evolve and grow. Change also comes with trials. Tomorrow is a brand new day and I intend to make the best of it. I will continue to right all of the wrongs in my life. My slate has been wiped clean by God but I need to right some wrongs. He has given me a pass but I would not be Marsha Ann if I did not work on myself to become a better person with each day that passes. I will shut this down with one last scripture:
 Mark 11:25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.
 
 Peace be with you and have a good night!

 

 

Overthrown

Its 7:15 and I am already hurting. Been up for almost two hours. The longer I am awake the worse the pain is. I really did not want to cry today but have been off and on since I woke up. Hopefully I can get in to see the doctor today. My mind has so much static right now. I just want it all clear so I won’t feel so low.  So much has happened over the past few weeks that even a “normal” person would be ready to shut down. I have been looking for a word that goes beyond defeated. When I looked up the word defeated the word “overthrown” was used a lot in the results. Seeing that word over and over made me realize I still have some spark left in me. No way will the devil overthrow me.  I will keep fighting.   I just need to roll with the waves a little bit longer. Keep praying and this will all soon be over.

Golden Thread

Golden Thread

  I have always felt like I have something special inside of me. I know we all do but a different kind of special. Something different than those around me. Often when I would feel that way I would feel totally isolated from the world. I have always admired writers. They get to show the world their special kind of something different. They are also admired for their something different. For most of my life I have felt like I had no voice. I think it’s why I have always loved to write. No one would ever listen to me but putting the words on paper gave me a release.

   One day during one of my infamous FB “debates” I would nose my way into something dawned on me. It wasn’t me people didn’t want to hear but it was my words. My angry often twisted words. Words that came from a blackened heart. Then when my blackened heart was busted into a million pieces I thought I was going to die from so much heartache. I felt like there was no way a heart as broken as mine would ever be put back together again. But I prayed. Lord how I prayed. With each prayer and each passing day my heart was mending but it was no longer black. Instead my heart has become a beautiful red like the Blood of my Savior Jesus Christ. The broken pieces are sewn back together with golden thread. The same thread that helped form the Heaven and Earth. I now have a voice because my words have changed. I use words of love, encouragement, unity, and guidance. My words are far from perfect but they have come a long way. Sometimes it’s a struggle but I have to keep remembering how miserable I was when I had a black heart and twisted words. By changing my words I am now a paid freelance writer. I went from not having a voice to having people thank me for the words I have written. 

   God will move in your life if you allow Him to. Let His love be the golden thread that mends all of your heartbreaks and makes you shine like never before. Find your something special or your something different and glow like the beautiful diamond that you are!

He heals the broken hearted and bandages their wounds.~~~Psalm 147:3